Helvetica

I picked up the documentary Helvetica from the library on campus today. I'm planning on watching it today or tomorrow, and I'm suuuuper excited about it. I've heard nothing but really positive stuff about it, and as a writer (and soon to be designer/editor), font is really interesting to me. Graphic design and the way it incorporates text influences every single aspect of our lives on a daily basis, whether we recognize it or not.

It will be interesting to get an in-depth look at that.

Books!
I got another one of my textbooks today (turns out I was 3 short when I got to school, thanks to the shitty textbook website not listing everything students need, presumably so they end up in a situation where they need the textbook asap and are forced to buy it from them -fortunately, such is not my situation).

The book I received today is the Norton Anthology of English Literature, Eighth Edition, Volume 2. It's bigger than my head (not saying I have a big head, just giving you a point of reference. It's a big book). And honestly, for all Chegg's promises of quality, well-preserved books, blah blah, I'm not that impressed. Aside from the cover being scuffed and bent, the outside of the pages have writing all over them (Chelle <3s href="http://holiday-entertaining.suite101.com/article.cfm/halloween_costume_ideas_for_couples">Halloween Costume Ideas for Couples
Simple Halloween Crafts and Decorations
How to Publish Teen Writing
Simple Ways to Decorate a Dorm Room
Choosing the Best Tattoo Design
Taking Effective Notes in Class
How to Proofread an Academic Paper

From Examiner we have:
The Lost Symbol
Richard Wright
Alex Cross's Trial
Freakonomics
Stephenie Meyer's New Moon (if I could shake this, I would, it being my moneymaker)
Overcoming writer's block

Also, worst name for a product ever: Cummins Onan Generators. If you get it, you get it. If you don't, I'm so not explaining this one.

Healthy lifestyles and the living dead

Yesterday I came across a book called Fat of the Land. So I wrote a review of it. I haven't read the book, although I'd like to. I tend to do that when I'm short on my own books to review and need something new to write about -review books I haven't read, I mean. I need to get on The Library at Night, but that'll wait until I'm back at school since it's already packed up in a bin and honestly I don't have the stamina to dig through the bins and boxes and bags I'm taking back to find one book no matter how much I love it. Allow me to breathe for a moment -that was quite a sentence.

Anyway, this book. It looks good. I compared the author to Bear Grylls. You know something is being done right when that happens. If I hadn't liked him I'd have compared him to Les Stroud. I hate Les Stroud with a fiery passion that I don't really understand. He just annoys me. I go from annoyance to hatred with spectacular speed, clearly. I also cannot stay on topic today. Not enough caffeine in my system.

Basically the idea of Fat of the Land is that we need to be able to find our own sources of food. Langdon Cook is going to tell you how. And, according to all of the reviews I read and his blog (which I now follow), he's going to do it in a very entertaining manner. All the more reason to drop a few bucks on the book -you could be entertained and save quite a bit of money into the bargain, if you're willing to get your hands dirty.

Awesome.

I've also been writing like a woman possessed for Suite101. I wrote 2 articles yesterday (despite my goal of 3. I do other things with my day than write. Sometimes. Yesterday was just one of them), and of course by write I mean sat down and thumped my keyboard until coherent thoughts formed. It also involved several games on Mindjolt to, you know, get the creative juices flowing.

In the end I got them written, polished and published. Then I went to bed and read a tawdry mystery novel that I didn't really like all that much. If a writer develops his characters so poorly that I can't actually remember their names 180 pages into the book, something is very wrong. But I digress.

Articles!

I reviewed Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (which you should read. The book, I mean. And the review).

I also wrote about Reading and Understanding Ayn Rand. Because I could.

Twilight fans are insane

Allow me to preface this story with a confession: I can be a bit of a snob. A jackass, if you will. When it comes to literature, I like to think I know my stuff -and to some extent, I believe that I do. I at least know enough to recognize good writing from bad. I have the ability to pick out themes and symbols and I can write some damn sharp commentary on how certain parts of a book relate to other things that might not even be in the book. I'm a creative writing major, for crying out loud. I know a little bit about writing.

So when I, from an informed viewpoint, say that Twilight sucks...I'm going to agree with myself. It does. If you want a detailed list of reasons, go to my review and read it (or e-mail me and I can send you an even longer, more expletive-filled list; I didn't feel I needed to get overly vitriolic in my already scathing review).

However, I will admit that I'm kind of a dick sometimes. I like pushing people's buttons, especially regarding Twilight. It's just funny to watch/read people getting all hot and bothered about a series of books that I don't like, because their defenses for the book are uniformly lame, unintelligent or illogical. And so it's a win-win situation for me: I get to piss someone off a bit, know that I'm right (at least in my mind) and get a belly laugh out of the whole thing. I've joined a few Twilight fan sites for that express purpose -that and promoting my review (the primary objective, of course).

There's one in particular that proved to be pretty fruitful, for about 3 days. I posted my link in a few relevant places, had some decent discussions and then kind of forgot all about it. I'm not so into hating Twilight that I make it a hobby. It's more of a spur-of-the-moment trolling. A drive by troll, if you will. I haven't actively promoted my Twilight review anywhere in about a month, and on the site this story concerns in over 2 months.

So imagine my surprise when, a mere 2 days ago before I went to see Inglourious Basterds (which I recommend you see, by the way, just because it's awesome) I get an e-mail telling me that someone named Rosalie Hale (one of the Twilight characters' names, for those of you fortunate enough not to have read the series) commented on my profile page. I have a Blackberry (I'm spoiled), so the e-mail came to my phone and my laptop. I don't do a lot of website stuff on my Blackberry unless I'm AFK, so I popped over to my laptop and signed into the website to check out this comment, which I was hoping would be filled with rage about the audacity of my review.

It was certainly filled with rage. And poor spelling, no sense whatsoever and a threat!

Clearly, I thought to myself, clearly this is an important comment.

I read it a few times, deciphering things like "wen" (when), "won" (won't) and there (their) before I was finally able to understand that Rosalie Hale is tired of Twilight haters coming onto the fan site and talking about not liking Twilight -and apparently she had taken it upon herself to track down each and every one of them to inform them that there are anti-Twilight websites they could get on so why not go there? This poorly spelled ramble was finished up with the following sentiment: "I would have my friend use the internet to track them down so I could kick there [sic] !@^$!$$^%^&*#!#%@ ass." I'm not sure what swear word that was supposed to be, but I would really like to find out. I'm sure it's devastating.

So, just to recap: this is a website that I used for 3 days, tops. I posted in 4 threads and all in all commented approximately 20 times, then left. After over 2 months, Rosalie Hale decides I'm a nuisance and should have my !@^$!$$^%^&*#!#%@ing ass kicked.

I returned her comment by asking what her comment was in reference to and why she thought threatening me would get her anything. I received a flood of comments, most of which were the word I, and which sent my phone into a vibrating frenzy, since each comment = 1 email to my phone. There were around 17 of these strange comments before she said anything else of relevance to my question, replying that she's tired of "u stupid haters" getting on to bug fans about how stupid Twilight is.

Well, I thought. Well, well, well. Here we go.

I returned her comment again, entering snotty mode. Basically I said that Twilight haters have every right to be on a fan site expressing themselves, and that fan sites are nothing but a gigantic circle-jerk for people who like Twilight anyway (I actually did use the phrase circle-jerk), so she could pretty much just quit telling me not to talk, since I hadn't said anything to her personally and she got on and told me to shut up when I hadn't even been active.

This story, by the way, is relevant only in that I like how irrational people get about stuff like Twilight. It's amusing to me. I am aware that not all fans of Twilight are insane teenagers who like to threaten people they don't even know over a series of books, but it's surprising how many are. And how many of them manage to find me (online, not in real life. Otherwise I'd be keeping a tally of how many little girls I'd gotten locked up for assault and/or battery).

Onward we go!

After remarking that Twilight fan sites are open to non-fans as well and she had no place attempting to curtail my free speech, she replied by telling me that the only reason "haters are on this site is because 1. they are total jerks and like to bother ppl or 2. they have nothing better to do with their lifes or 3. they havent read the books and are already judgeing it [sic] [sic] [sic] [sic] and [sic]." I'm sure I missed a few [sic]s in there, but we'll live. So you see what I was dealing with?

Not only does she not understand that I'm using her website solely to promote my review (and be a jerk) but she can't even argue with a semblance of intelligence, good grammar or logic. My reply was essentially that yes, I'm a jerk. But I've also read the books, know enough about them to argue with any fan and can do so intelligently and with better grammar. I told her (again) that I was inactive on the site and therefore still did not understand her apparently overwhelming desire to do me physical harm.

I received the reply that "this is a fan site there r sites for haaters [sic] [sic]." etc. and "just because someone says the books sucks doesn't mean it dose [so much sic]."

What?

So I laid out a few reasons that the books suck, reminded her that I'm not an active user, don't define myself as a hater (I don't participate in the so-called "war" that rages betwixt those who worship the ground Stephanie Meyer walks on and those who hate the books. I just hate the books all by myself -I don't need people to commiserate with) and never did anything to her to provoke this unjustified attack, and if I had, I'd have done so with impeccable grammar and spelling.

I was told that I have serious mental problems and need to check myself into a hospital.

"Look, Rosalie. I'm a perfectly normal person (okay, so that's a bit of a lie), but I'm not the one who has issues here. You threatened me for no reason, used poor grammar to do so and can't even come up with a reason why other than that the haters on the site bother you. I'm not one of them, so what's the deal?" This is not an exact quote, but that's the gist of what I told her.

I find out that she has "anger problems" and her mom taught her "never to take shit from ppl [sic]" and she's sick of haters getting onto random threads and talking about how bad Twilight is because there are hater sites for people to "bicth" about hating the books, etc. etc.

I replied without using all caps, which impressed me, because at that point I became aware that this was the sort of person on whom caps lock would have made an impression. Still calm, laughing quietly to myself over the clatter of my keyboard, I replied that she never took any shit from me to begin with. She attacked me, completely unprovoked by anything I had done or said, and all I wanted to know was why.

Her reply? "Why do u think they made anti sites? [sic]"

This person, this "Rosalie Hale," is off the charts batshit insane. The best kind of person to converse with, bar none.

I replied that I had no idea, probably because they could. Anti-Twilight sites, I told her, are as much circle-jerks for people who don't like Twilight as fan sites are for those who do. I have no need to sit around and agree with a bunch of people online about not liking a series of books. That's even more pointless than, oh, say, threatening someone who never said a damn thing to or about you because there is a difference of opinion.

I think I finally got through with that comment, because she backtracked, saying only that she is sick of the fighting and people arguing all the time.

So your solution, I asked her, was to threaten me? That's how you thought to defuse the Twilight debates? By threatening to kick the ass of an inactive site member? Bullshit.

She fled, leaving me with a comment that I imagine would have been sobbed if spoken. "I'm so tired of this. I'm giving my sister my account. Rose out."

Yes. That all just happened.

Take a few deep breaths. This was a long one. I won't inflict much more on you, readers, but just let all of this sink in. That was the logic of a Twilight fan -the logic of the many who comment on my review.

"First," they must think, "I'll try to intimidate you into shutting up about my beloved books, then I'll attempt to out-logic you using circular or flawed reasoning"- (we didn't even discuss the books all that much), "then I'll act like a pitiable little puppy and run away feeling like a victim."

Her sister commented on my profile shortly after Rosalie deleted all relevant comments and asked what the deal was. I told her that Rosalie had first tried to scare me and failed, then tried to argue with me, and lost. It happens a lot.

Any takers? I'm spoiling for a fight.

The Library at Night and healthy eating

I finished reading it last night! Wow that took forever to read! (Okay, so it took like a couple of weeks, that is forever to me. I can barely remember back two days ago, so shut up already). It was totally worth going through it slowly though...I'd start it all over again right now, in all honesty. I wish I was as well-read as Alberto Manguel (I also wish my name sounded that cool). He conveniently includes a "non-canonical" list of his favorite books at the end of TLaN, which I think is awesome.

Yes, I'm going to read all of them. I'd read a few that were on the list...but not too many. Less than 10% I'd bet. Sort of depressing, given how much I read, but he's had a lot more time to read than I have!

Also, listening to Queen makes me want to watch Flash Gordon. No, I'm not kidding. I'm hitting up the library after I leave Panera to see if they have that or the movie version of The Fountainhead. I know that a) they won't and b) the movie will probably bug the hell out of me since it won't be as good as the book, but it's Gary Cooper playing Howard Roark. I can't resist that. I just can't.

In other news, I wrote a review of a book about eating healthy smoothies and how good it is for you. I figure since I now have doctor's orders about cooking all my own food at school this year due to severe food allergies (essentially I'm allergic to everything ever*), I should probably start looking for cheap healthy ways to not starve to death. Also this book just came out it and looks pretty good.

*Seriously: I'm allergic to artichokes, MSG, preservatives (including formaldehyde, which is in a surprisingly large amount of foods) -which are ubiquitous in anything that isn't a raw vegetable essentially and soy, which is also in everything. I'm not kidding. It is so hard to avoid eating this stuff (minus the artichokes, they're pretty easy to spot), and it really restricts what I can eat, how much I can eat and where. It's not like I get instantly sick eating stuff, but if I have high concentrations of any of those things within a limited time period, it does not end well. So now you know.

Also, I wrote a bunch of stuff on Suite101. Okay...so I wrote 3 articles and put them up. But still! That's 3 articles! I'm working on a fourth and rewriting a previously written piece about another book by AJ Jacobs (who I love), so I'll have plenty of stuff to start putting up. The Suite articles are

• Writing Good Book Reports (like you couldn't use that at some point in your life)
• Religious Symbolism in The Scarlet Letter (why didn't they have this written when we were in high school?)
• Social Symbolism in The Scarlet Letter (see above)

The ones I'm working on will be of

• Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (Oh yes. It will be awesome.) and
• The Know-It-All (which you should go read right now, because I said so)

The living dead

I'm a big fan of the show True Blood. I don't have HBO at my house, sadly, so I have to watch grainy videos of it online the day after each episode comes out. Yes I'm that dedicated, shut up. I'm not missing that much of the season just because I don't get the right channel! It's a fun show -by which I mean it's nasty, snarky and full of violence and blood -and not a little sex. The characters are good, the acting is better than what I expect and it's just a nice mindless way to spend an hour every week.

The books the show is based on are not that great; I'll be honest. I like them a lot, but as far as literature goes? They're trashy. They're trashy, low-brow, simply written, easily read little books. And that is what makes them great. They're just good enough to merit being read for pleasure. And unlike some books, they don't pretend to be the next big thing in literary history. They're just there for fun, sort of like that one friend who always wants to go out and party -fun for a while. It's the coffeeshop books you go to for substance (real, capital L Literary books like Jane Eyre or Rebecca), and it's these books you go to when you need a mental break and something light to read.

Thus, today's review: Living Dead in Dallas (aka season 2 of True Blood). Awesome. Get on it.

It's been a slow couple of weeks for me, reading-wise. The library's shittiness is finally catching up with me, and I seem to have run out of steam. I'm still reading Zadie Smith's book White Teeth (slowly but surely) and I have a few other things out...but on the whole, I think I need a bit of a breather. I'm trying to build up a log of reviews for when I go back to school and yet here I sit with something akin to writer's block. It's very frustrating. Like someone has cut off my arm, or denied me coffee. I know the best solution to writer's block is just to write, so I have been -every day, writing something. But none of it is really breaking through the review block I seem to have developed.

I have a book on curing writer's block (which is sort of a funny thing when you think about it -the idea of writing a book about how to be able to write when you can't. I don't know. I'm amused), but it's largely geared toward fiction writing, which I do...but which doesn't offer much help in writing reviews. I don't need to create believable characters with human depths and flaws in them to write a review, I just need to write about the characters other people have already created. Normally that's not a problem. The problem is that I'm not reading as much, as fast or with as much pleasure.

And for that I blame the library. I have 4 new books coming in the mail from Amazon; hopefully they'll be here within the next week. That will give me some motivation to read/write again, so there's definitely a light at the end of this particular tunnel. For the time being, I'm just going to keep plugging through the same stale offerings at my public library and attempting to find some sparks there.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Review's up! Go read it!

Additionally, I checked out White Teeth from the library yesterday (or was it Saturday?) and borrowed Field Notes from the Compassionate Life from my grandma yesterday and received instructions from my dad that I am to use part of my birthday present (amazon gift card) to buy a book called Libraries at Night. So all of these things will lead to further awesomeness in the realm of reviewing.

I'm also buying my textbooks today. I won't review most of those (unless they're just that awesome), but one of them is Frankenstein, so we'll see what happens with this. I'm pretty pumped. I love getting books.

And coffee makers. I totally got a baby Keurig for my birthday as a joint present from parents/grandparents and if I was the type to descend into girls acronyms this post would be filled with omglolwtf-type writing. Keurigs a) make the best coffee, b) make it one cup at a time and c) are absolutely gorgeous pieces of tech. I made my excited face when I got it. It's not as excited as Bubby's excited face, which we were witness to when he realized he got an Indiana Jones Lego set. I can't wait to see what happens when Jonah gives him the Force Unleashed Wii game he got... :)

August is birthday month. My uncle's is the 7th, mine is the 14th, my cousin's is the 15th, my dad's (Braden, not biological) is the 16th, my brother's is the 19th and my grandpa is somewhere else in the middle of all of that. And I think my other cousin might be in here somewhere soon, too, maybe early September? I don't know. That's too many people for me to keep track of -suffice it to say, there are a lot of birthdays going on right now. And it's always fun. :) Lots of cake and ice cream and hyperactivity.

I'm excited to buy me some books today. Look for more reviews soon. Also this week will be my piece on what Literature is!

10 Things I Hate About You: B. Dalton edition

This is the B. Dalton rant I promised some time ago. Although it may or may not apply to all B. Daltons in general, this list applies 100% to the one here in Findlay. And all of the items on this list contribute to me driving the extra distance across town to The Stately Raven (about which I will rave, given half a chance).

1. Poor Customer Service. This is a killer for stores -which is why smaller and locally-owned places are generally staffed by friendly, enthusiastic people. The B. Dalton employs solely grumps. These women are so lazy that they have refused to turn 90 degrees and search their computer database to see if a book I wanted was in stock. Instead I have gotten "Welllll, I don't know. I guess you could check on the shelf." These women (they are all women) do not greet customers or ask if they can help locate a book, but instead glare at anyone who dares to walk into the store as though they've been rolling around in shit for several days. Ladies - lighten up! You treat a customer right and you'll still have a paycheck. Consistently piss them off every time they come in, you're going to lose them to the competition, which clearly has you beat in this regard.
   
2. Selection. Okay -no bookstore can cater exclusively to my tastes. I know this (and it irritates me). But it's like the B. Dalton people looked at a catalog of "Books NO ONE wants to read EVER" and bought 90% of their stock from it. And then, when those books didn't sell, they put sale stickers on them in the hopes that they could lure a few saps foolish enough to judge content based on a sale sticker and make a purchase (don't you judge me). The other 10% is comprised of Twilight and Twilight knock-offs. I'm not really even exaggerating that much -that's the worst part of this. I wander* through the store picking books off shelves only to replace them with a sigh, wondering who in their right mind would actually read such a book. Or write it. I shudder to think. The selection really is just laughable.
3. Layout. I am aware that space is pretty tight. The store is crammed into an oddly-shaped corner store of the mall, and it's not very big. But anyone with even a basic understanding of design principles -or common sense- will walk in, attempt to *wander and, after either bumping into every other patron and bookshelf in the place, throw up their hands and say, "Screw this, man." The front of the store is open and inviting: tables present hot books and sales, and there is plenty of room to move around without tucking your elbows into your lungs. There's even a wall -a whole wall -showcasing best-sellers and favorites. But then, dear reader, you step into the traditional shelving area, and all hell breaks loose. Or is crammed into a tiny, tiny space and becomes even more hellish. The walls are lined with books and those cool Beauty & the Beast sliding ladders (which are for employees, of course, as if any of those biddies would ever slide exuberantly along them singing about books!!). The organization of these walled books seems to be...whatever they couldn't fit on the other shelves. It really makes no sense. The other shelves are squat, disorganized and depressing. Fiction is divided into...fiction. There's a separate section for sci-fi and romance, but otherwise it's like genre doesn't exist. Looking for a mystery? Oh, it's in there somewhere. Maybe. Classic literature? Well...it's probably in fiction, but finding a specific book in this store is about as probable as finding a thriving colony of Emperor Penguins in the Sahara. I've never seen a less efficient way of organizing books -and the majority of my own books are stored in bins.
4. Upkeep. Don't these people dust? Even occasionally? I know the mall has janitors. What the hell is going on in this store? When I worked in a (small, local and ultimately doomed) bookstore, we were cleaning constantly. Dusting, vacuuming and -most importantly -keeping the books straight. Customers come through and leave books lopsided, halfway out of their shelf space or on the floor. Part of working in a bookstore is noticing things like that and taking care of it. I did a test. I took a book (I'm pretty sure it was Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas -great book) and pulled it off the shelf, turned it face out and upside down and sat it on the shelf above its original home. I went back a week later...and it was still in the same place I'd put it. Unmoved. I put it back in the sad hole it had left behind in the shelf below. That is criminal, as far as I'm concerned. A whole week went by before anyone even noticed that something was out of place, and it was the person who put it out to begin with.
5. Romance novels. They sell well. I'm sure. And that's fine -a bookstore needs to sell books. That's why it's a store. But didn't someone -anyone -think that putting the romance novels right next to the YA and kids' books was kind of a bad idea? Are they trying to attract mothers who have nothing better to do than, oh, say, watch their kids? To whom is this set-up supposed to be attractive? If teens are going to read trashy romance novels, that's whatever -it's personal taste. But I think some common sense was checked at the door when they set this up.
   
6. Lighting. The front of this B. Dalton is warm and well-lit. Inviting, as I said earlier. You walk back into the stacks and it's like being in a totally different store. It's like shopping underwater. Blindfolded. At night. The light in the back of this place is like light that needed a place to go die and picked the bookstore. It's dim, bluish and for some reason vaguely nauseating. After 15 minutes shopping there, I feel as though I will never see sunshine again and I really need some coffee. This is not a conducive atmosphere in which to shop for books. The lighting needs to be consistent, bright (but not glaring) and above all showcase the store's books to their best advantage. I feel like I should buy books there in order to rescue them from the awful lighting.
   
7. The Shopping Experience. It's almost impossible to have a good one in this B. Dalton. Shopping for books is like any other kind of shopping -you have to be able to browse, to have a secluded area in which to try the books on for size. Instead, the awful layout, nasty employees and horrible lighting tell potential customers, "Look, jackass. You better have a book in mind the second you walk in this store or get the hell out. Also, find it yourself. Do I look like I want to help you?" After approximately 10 to 15 minutes of aimless browsing (or increasingly frustrated searching), the employees will emerge from behind their registers like resentful slugs and walk by whatever aisle you happen to be in, glaring at you, suspicion evident on their rotund, pasty faces. Apparently in their world, no one reads anything that isn't Twilight or featured in Oprah's Book Club, so someone who doesn't know exactly what they want when coming into the store can only be some sort of miscreant who will probably attempt to steal all 8 (unnecessary) copies of Paul Coehlo's The Alchemist (which, as an aside, I didn't like all that much when I read it). It's a horribly uncomfortable way to shop. I like to crack open a book and read a few pages...or chapters...before I am prepared to drop $7-20 on it. Most bookstores don't mind this. But B. Dalton? Get in, get out and don't just stand there. God forbid you just want to browse through some books.
8. Technology. I wouldn't be surprised if the registers and computer in this place are older than both of my siblings. There's nothing wrong with older computers...if they're still fast and effective. These registers grumble and bitch as they work to process credit cards and are generally about as friendly-seeming as the women who run them. And should you actually be able to get one of them to search for a book on the computer for you, be prepared to stand there for about 8 minutes while they fail to spell the title right, then screw up the author's name and wait for no searches to be returned; after having corrected them, be ready to wait another 3-5 minutes while the computer hums along like a geriatric bee before gleefully announcing that the book isn't in stock (before you go sniff around and find it in a section where it doesn't really belong anyway). Update your tech. It's pathetic. My cell phone works better than all of the computers in this place, and that does not give me much faith in the store.
9. Special Orders. Don't tell me it's going to take 4-6 weeks for a special order to come in (and then never call when it does, forcing me to come in asking for it anyway). That's bullshit. I worked in a bookstore, as I have mentioned, and we guaranteed that a special order would be in within 5-7 business days. Not a month and a half. If any bookstore tries to tell you that they can't have it within a week (unless the book is really rare or old), they're lying and/or they're a really bad bookstore. A special order is a special order for a reason -it should not be coming in with your next regularly scheduled shipment...that's why it's "special." You're ordering it "specially" for this customer, who should not be made to wait that long for a book they could have within the same day at another store, or within a week...since that other store will actually order it for them.
10. Promotions. I'm all for them. I think they're cool. I love special deals, coupons and frequent buyer programs. The one B. Dalton has sucks. It's like $40 to join it, meaning you have to spend about $150 in books before it even pays for itself. For someone like me who has limited cash most of the time anyway, $40 up front is not really that feasible. Granted, I probably spend $300 on books every year, but dropping $40 with no immediate, tangible benefit is never going to happen for me. I'm cheap. And for people who don't buy books as often as I do, this "frequent buyer program" looks more like a "huge ripoff program." Places like The Stately Raven know what's up -once you spend a certain amount of money on books, your next purchase is discounted pretty steeply. And it's free. FREE. You hear that, B. Dalton? It doesn't cost anything for the customer, except their loyalty -and with a place like the Raven, that just comes with the gig. People should not have to pay for promotions or discounts. That defeats the purpose. Also, would it kill you to have some author signings? It would involve moving stuff around so that said author could have a place to sit that's not on top of a bunch of shitty sale books, so yes, it probably would kill you...but in the long run, I don't think that would be a bad thing.

Whew! Lists! I am tired. If you made it this far, give yourself a pat on the back. And a cup of coffee or something.
Also, it's review Friday! Go check it out! Woo-hoo! Jane Eyre, aww-riiight. It's not an analysis, it's a review of it from The Things That Matter, but still. Jane Eyre. :D

Sunday update

Sunday! A day of relaxation, haircuts and shopping. I got my hair cut a little shorter than I wanted, but I figure that it's better to have it too short than too long. It'll grow out in a few weeks and I'll need another cut anyway. It looks good at least. Huzzah.

I also read The Perks of Being a Wallflower this morning (courtesy of my friend Dirk Frey who very obligingly left it in my mailbox -thanks Dirk!), and really enjoyed it. There will be a review of that sooner or later, so huzzah for that!
As for tomorrow, I'm going to give you all a choice -I have several reviews lined up and ready to go, but I'm going to let you vote on which one I put up. If I don't get any comments, I'm just going to pick whichever one I want.

Your choices:

• The Things That Matter: Jane Eyre
• The Great Gatsby
• Living Dead in Dallas

Not too many choices, but all of them are finished and ready to be published. It's totally up to you. So get voting!

I'm also starting Walden Two today (thanks for the suggestion, Alex! Yay ideas!) and I'm still searching for some of the other book ideas you've given out. Additionally, more ideas are always good, so send 'em on out!

Tomorrow is also going to be awesome for several other reasons. I'm starting my second job at Spectrum Eye. I have about 60 more files to put away and then I get to fax 929 "new doctor" announcements. However, before I can fax them I have to cross about half of them off since they either don't need announcements or they're out-of-state. Either way, I'll get to wear a skirt to work instead of my slacks! I love wearing skirts, but I haven't been able to since I'm up and down ladders all the time. Then in the evening Jonah is cooking me dinner and we're having a picnic at his house. I can't remember the last time I went picnicking, much less had someone aside from a family member cook for me (not that I don't love my mom's cooking -she's the best), but I'm excited about tomorrow. :)

Part 2

It's up! WOO party party. Everybody DANCE. Just kidding, you only need to go and check out the review. It'll make more sense if you refer to part 1 and then go to part 2 (especially if you haven't yet read part 1).

In other book news, I went to the library yesterday and, as expected, they had 1 of the 10 books I went in specifically looking for. Let that sink in. I went in looking for 10 books (which is a lot, admittedly) -none of them are rare books. None of them are particularly obscure. You know which one they had? Walden Two. My public library does not even possess a copy of Ender's Game. It wasn't checked out (or missing, a la Generation X, thanks to a certain someone I know), they just don't have it. How they get away with not having one of the most influential sci-fi books around, I don't know. They have plenty of copies of awful books that no one will ever read ever in a million years (not even me for the sake of a review. Okay maybe me), but not Ender's Game. They don't have Population Bomb -or On The Road by Jack Kerouac.

I speak sincerely when I ask with great gusto and much shaking of hands, what the fuck?!

I go to my local library a lot. No, really. I'm there about 2x a week on average, and that's 2x checking out new things (or trying to), not taking stuff back. It's not a bad looking library. It's got nice big windows and it's well-lit. The books and shelves are getting a bit worn, but they disguise that by constantly moving sections around so that if you don't go for a couple of months, when you come back nothing makes any sense whatsoever. There will be Christian Fiction where the Anne Rice used to be (Christian Fiction, by the way, is something that confuses me. Is it just overtly preachy? Why can't it just be moral fiction? Where's the Hindu Fiction?), and that's a little bit trippy. Speaking of Anne Rice, I finally, finally, on my umpteenth attempt, managed to snag one of the two copies of Interview With The Vampire that the library has. I've been trying, 2x/week since June 12 to get one.

Yeah.

My library is not good. It's never been good, although I may at some point have been under the impression that it was, since when I was about 12 I used to check out pretty much the same 5 or 6 books every time I went and I would just buy everything else from B. Dalton (another rant for another day. I do have to go to work at some point this morning). This is even before funding got shafted.

I really don't know what can be done about a shit-tastic library. Anyone have ideas? I'm considering trying Paperback Swap, despite it costing me in postage. It'll save on gas and (possibly) time and frustration. Does anyone have experience with it? Good? Bad? Some in between or extreme? Are there other sources you've found besides the library for inexpensive books? My income is small and quickly exhausted, despite me only buying coffee and books and occasionally a necessary item of clothing.

The used bookstores in Findlay aren't really calling to me at this point (although I have reviewed them) since the people I know who frequent them do so to get a new stash of trashy romance novels. While I have nothing personally against trashy romance novels -aside from their being trashy romance novels- I don't particularly want to read them.

So! Today went up the review of TTTM + Frankenstein. Maybe Friday will be something new, if you're lucky. Like The Great Gatsby. We'll see!

Two entries

In one day?
You're some kind of spoiled (and I'm some kind of bored).

This one is mostly just me blabbing -less on the books, more on the "whatever I feel like telling you" side of the blog. And all of this just basically being me procrastinating on my The Things That Matter review...which is sad, since part numero uno goes up tomorrow. But that's why I'm doing it in 8 parts, so I have time to edit as I go. Right? Right.

First order of business. It hasn't become evident much in this blog yet, but I swear. A lot. Nonchalantly or with great emphasis -as a bumper sticker I have on Facebook says: "Profanity makes talking fun!" Now, while I don't necessarily believe that to be true, I really have no issue with swearing. I'll call a spade a spade. Or, to be more precise, I'll call a tool a tool. One of my favorite observations while driving is "Nice truck/car/pimp-mobile of your choice -sorry about your dick." Because it's at least partially true (nobody has a car that makes that GGGGGGRRRRRRVVVVVVVRG rattly noise and has spoilers, superfluous tailpipes, a car so shiny it looks like it's covered in olive oil and all the little doo-dads who isn't compensating for something, whether it's phallic or not). So, just as an fyi, if the occasional curse is going to bother you... be prepared to avert your eyes, at least occasionally. I try to tone it down on the blog, but sometimes it will inevitably slip through. At least I'm not the Tourette's Guy.

Count your blessings.

Second order of business. I've recently started following another blog called The Pretty Year. It's this woman, Michelle, who's decided to amp up her wardrobe with 250 outfits while spending less than $250. Neat stuff. She's a funny lady, too, and she isn't afraid to tell it how it is. Although she swears a lot less than I do. If you have any interest in clothes or women's fashion or cool people who do interesting things and aren't afraid to talk about it online, check her out. I also like the fact that she is not a stick-thin girly girl. Coming from my own petite POV, it's nice to know there are people out there who aren't a 36-25-36 or whatever and who are proud of it.

Third order of business. I am really procrastinating right now. I've gone through and linked this article to hell and back. I hope you all click on all of the links. Sometimes they're useful and pertinent and sometimes I'm being a dick or just posting irrelevant links that I think are interesting, whether you agree or not.

Fourth order of business. I am out of things to say. Onward and upward and forward and toward...I'd say backward, but that doesn't work in this context. Or does it?

EDIT-
Check this out! Gender bias is everywhere. I won't go ultra-feminist on you right now (although I guarantee I will have at least one day where I get mad about something and go all femi-nazi on you, all while being well-worded, polite and correct), but seriously editors? I want to join your ranks when I graduate, and this is pathetic. The guy who wrote this is also really funny.

It's Caturday!

LOLCats. They have either ruined the internets, or made them incomparably more awesome. I'm never sure which, although there was a rendition of Wasteland makes my day every time I read it. (If you haven't read Wasteland, it wouldn't make much sense. In fact, it probably won't make any. But it's a good place to get started on the poem, because a] it's read by LOLCats and b] it's really really funny). However, the link appears to have died. :( So I can no longer post it for you. If I find it again (or anyone knows where it is), I'll link you to it. It's great.

Right now I'm reading Brave New World. I started it about two weeks ago and put it aside in favor of The Things That Matter (which I am currently in the process of reviewing; it's going to be a review in 8 parts, so holy hell is that taking forever to do. It's basically an academic paper at this point, but since I am a Literature Examiner, that's my job. And I enjoy it.); now that I've picked BNW back up, I regret having put it down. It's just amazing. I'll be writing another lengthy review of that, I can already tell.

I still need ideas of books to read! Bring 'em on, bring 'em on. As with my musical criteria (well, criterion): I will read anything that doesn't suck. And if it does...I just get to write a nasty review.

Here's something funny I've noticed about the comments I get on my Twilight review. The ones that aren't agreeing with me but aren't totally illiterate still aren't disagreeing with me. They're calling me names, or saying I'm jealous of Meyer. "Say whatnow?" is generally my reaction to that buffoonery. If I were jealous of Meyer, I wouldn't have the ability to write a review, because I'd be too busy off writing a better series of novels than Twilight. It's not like it'd be hard -it's been done a million times before, and will be done a million times hence. I just think it's sort of sad that people are so defensive of Twilight they have to automatically assume that anyone who doesn't like it either sucks as a person or is a struggling and therefore jealous writer.

Sorry I'm not jealous of something that wasn't worth reading in the first place, kiddies.

Those comments also get deleted, because they generally are full of other inappropriate insults. One offered to print of the review and have a dog bescumber it.

Anyway, /rant again. That review just makes me laugh. People get so pissy!

Off I go to enjoy my weekend!

This book

You should probably read it. It's funny, and weird.
What book?
This one.

Mhm, that's right. It's review Friday!

In other news, my grandma is coming to spend the weekend! Yay fun times! Maybe. We'll see. Should be all right :)

Short entry today, but that's just because I have nothing exciting to tell you, other than that grandma is coming over.

Still looking for ideas of books to review though! Bring 'em on!

The price of being a bookworm

I have a bad back. I'm 19 (although not for much longer) and I wake up in the mornings and walk around with my hand pressing against the small of my back, rolling my neck to get the kinks out and it sounds like a smattering of gunfire erupts from my spine. Actually, that sounds kind of cool...and it would be, but it usually hurts. It's just not fun. In addition to that, my neck itself is beyond wrecked. A normal person's neck curves like this: ) Mine curves like this (
Know why? Because I spend all of my time with my head bent over books. I have actually changed the shape of my own spine by reading a lot. A lot is an understatement. We all know this. My neck's been like that since the seventh grade, when I started studying seriously for the spelling bee. By the time I was in eighth grade, I was spending 40 hours/week studying. I would get up at 5 in the morning and stay up late. That's 40 hours every week with my head bent over books.

I have a bad back.
It's totally worth it, though. I wouldn't change a thing. Okay, maybe if I could I'd go back into my eighth grade self standing in front of that microphone, staring at Dr. Bailly (my BFF) and scream that I know how to spell theodicy. But I can't. I loved the spelling bee, though. It's a good experience, even if I did wreck my back over it.

Today I woke up and my back is cackling to itself. I sat up to the sound of fireworks, only they were coming from me instead of the fields behind my neighborhood. It feels like someone picked me up and threw me into a brick wall several times while I was sleeping. Not fun. Fortunately, coffee fixes everything. I have already had one cup, and I'm planning on having many more throughout the course of the day. If I can't fix the way my spine is, I'll at least replace pain with caffeine jitters. WOO.

I'm going to work soon...I think it's going to be a backroom day for me, just re-filing things. It's nice. I can have my iPod and rock out, and people very rarely walk in on that. Generally.

In other news, I finally finished reading The Things That Matter last night. It took me a ridiculously long time to get through it, but I'm glad I read it. I'll be working on a review of that today, and avoiding being in the house with my little brother and his friend. I don't like kids, and Bubby + a friend = lots of unnecessary noise. I'm going to GTFO and find a seat in a coffeeshop where nobody will bother me. It'll be awesome.

Finally, I have questions for you, dear readers:
What do you want to see reviewed? What are your favorite books? What books do you hate?

If you could pick any book for me to write about, what would it be?

Tragedy and mayhem

I got Rick Rolled yesterday. At work. That song...that horrid song...was on the radio. I got Rick Rolled by life. I was laughing so hard I accidentally snorted dust from the files I was pulling during the chorus. Never gonna give you up...

For those of you who don't know the horror of a Rick Roll, just go here.

In other news, people who like Twilight still hate me. Far be it from me to criticize a 12 or 13 year old for having an opinion, but seriously kids? Shut up. You have no idea what good literature looks like unless you're precocious, and if you are, you wouldn't like Twilight. You wouldn't insist that my "reality" must be boring because there are no vampires or werewolves in it (first, I watch True Blood religiously, so to hell with your sissy vampires and second, in both True Blood and Twilight, they're shape-shifters. Get your terminology right or GTFO).

If I bothered to respond to the comments on that particular article, I'd probably a) get fired for being a dick and b) make some little kids cry.

I'm all for freedom of speech, and I love getting comments - and making fun of stupid people. So in the end I have no problem with idiots leaving poorly written comments that are, in a word, buncombe. (If you don't know what buncombe is, go here. You'll also learn about lots of other fun words, like bescumber and Frenchify). Seriously, fans of Twilight: come insult my review as much as you like. But know that no matter how many times you tell me the "Twilight Saga" (which I will reiterate for the umpteenth time is a series and not a saga. Idiots. I don't care what it says on the cover of the book, the cover of the book is lying to you) is the BEST BOOK EVAR and you luuuuuv Edward and he's so hot and protective...you're never going to change my mind. The books are sexist, poorly written, boring, predictable, riddled with errors and they promote abuse, stalking and pedophilia. There's no way around that.

/rant

In other news, I'm going to work again today! I'm going to try to go in at least 4 days this week, although I'm taking tomorrow off for the sake of my special project. Are you getting excited??? If not, I'm disappointed. Make me a cake and I will forgive you.

Additionally....I got into an argument with a 65-year-old man from Australia yesterday. He wrote an article on Helium.com and I was sort of put off by it, since it proposed to explain why scientists reject the idea of God by trying to tear down the theory of evolution. Needless to say, that was not convincing to me, so I wrote him some feedback. Twice (because Firefox chose to crash right then, not because I'm that much of a dick). I wasn't very nice. I wasn't attacking him personally, since in the rating system you don't know whose article you're working with, but I was definitely ripping the article more than one new orifice. My questions were justified and I still stand by my position that the article was written from an ignorant and incorrect standpoint, but I was being a bit of a snide jackass.

So it didn't surprise me when I got a long, impassioned e-mail from him asking me who the hell I think I am, insulting my intelligence, my writing abilities, my personality and my validity as a human being. About what I expected from what was clearly a radical, if not fundamental, Christian. I wrote him back, apologizing for the offense and basically being more of a jackass while trying to come off as taking the moral high ground (which is what I tend to do in those situations).

A flurry of e-mails passed between us, each successively less pissy, and it was a really weird experience that I thought I'd share with you, my very few readers. He turns out to be quite nice. I caught him at a bad moment, he said, early in his day and he responded without thinking about whether my comments might be valid. I, of course, apologized for my lack of tact. Then we talked about schooling (since in his first e-mail he had compared me to one of his daughters...not in a good way) and that seems to have been the end of it.

Except for this -this is the second time I've sent him feedback on Helium via the rating system. And pissed him off without really trying to. The first time I responded quite angrily, I remember, saying something about getting into a pissing match with a skunk (I've told you I'm a jackass. Eventually you will believe that); this time I appear to have made a friend, maybe. Or at least there's one less 65-year-old who hates me.

Crazy times.
Still reading. :)



The review of Rebecca goes up tomorrow, along with my special project, so keep your optical organs peeled!

Review Monday

As promised, here is today's review. Richard Feynman!

You're all getting spoiled this week; I posted an extra review last night just for kicks, and later this week I have a special project that's going to result in 4 separate articles! So get excited about that, and get your reading glasses ready! ;) It's going to be a busy week for me. I'm actually going to work in addition to writing, so I actually have to leave the house for something other than the library or coffee...

As far as my experiment yesterday with going outside went....that failed miserably. I stayed inside and got active though. My arms still hurt from Wii Boxing, and I'm okay with that. I'm still white as a lily, but at least I didn't spend all day sitting in front of my screen staring at various pieces of writing. I consider that a step in the right direction. Maybe I'll actually venture outside today, who knows? Stranger things have happened.

Still reading The Things That Matter...it's taking longer than it probably should, mostly because I'm just reading at night right now. Not sure why, I've just been putzing around doing other things during the day. Like playing Wii.

Well, keep an eye out for further reviews 'n' stuff later this week :)

It's so damn hot

As Rob Burgundy would say, milk was a bad choice. Or would have been, had I had milk. Fortunately I stuck with water. However, it's still hotter than Hell on a Sunday outside, and I don't like it. I'm wearing jeans like I always do, and it's just not fun. I feel like someone stuck me inside of a radiator and left me there. Trying to type on a laptop is just not doing it for me....I have it on a pillow to keep the direct heat off my legs, but the pillow is warm as well. There is no winning in this scenario.

I finished Rebecca. I woke up this morning afire with the thirst to know what happened -so in lieu of going to work, I sat in bed for an hour and ripped through it. It's just as good as I thought it would be, and largely more surprising. It's a well done book. I'd recommend it to anyone. Funniest part is that my mom watched the movie version of it several months ago, and they're vastly different, which is to be expected, I suppose.

I also have another review up. (Two, actually, if you count the one on Helium, but that one'll be up on Examiner next week, so if you want to find it, either DIY or wait. ;) ).

So, all things considered, I need to get me to a library. I'm out of books to read, unbelievable as that sounds. Off I go.

Newspapers and further thoughts on Rebecca

Sometimes "Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide" comes through -sometimes it isn't about dating or making extremely stupid choices as a result over an overdeveloped sense of competition. The episode I just watched was about the power of the press to actually enact change, even if it's a school newspaper. I wish my school newspaper had done interesting things like that, as opposed to self-congratulatory back-patting and stories about the editors' friends. Some of those people are my friends, too, and I mean them no offense, but where was the investigative reporting? Where were the stories about the teachers that played favorites or stacked grades? Where were stories about corruption on the school board? Perhaps there wasn't any, and Findlay is just as boring as the school papers made it sound...but somehow, I think the real corruption was just in the newspaper.

I'm still reading Rebecca, and still loving it. It's getting weirder and more disturbing as the story progresses, and I'm loving it. This is the first time in weeks I've confined my reading to a single book -it's a strange experience, actually, not to switch between three or so books every hour or chapter I spend reading. I wouldn't say it's more relaxing, even. It's just different. Pleasant, but different.

A review will be up soon after I finish it, and it'll probably be a hefty one. There will also be a review up tomorrow, so keep an eye out for that!

The learning curve

I learn a lot of interesting things from comments on my reviews -most of them about myself.
For example, "ur r a low life wanna be" was one I received today. I was unaware that I are anything of the sort. :P I also apparently lack imagination, have never been in love, don't know what love is, can't judge other people's taste in books because they like it, so I should keep my opinion to myself (I clearly need some lessons in logic) and I've never written anything in my life and have no idea how hard it is to be a writer.

Seeing as I've written, to date, 3 completed novels and 1 unfinished novel, that one flies out the window pretty quickly. (A side note -if you go looking for these comments, some of them have been deleted as they were accompanied by threats of physical violence. As much as I'd like to engage in a good match of fisticuffs with anyone who wants to go at it, I won't have threats on my page. It's not ladylike). I'd also say that, having written 3 1/2 novels -as well as countless short stories/essays and, oh hey, reviews!, I've got a pretty good sized imagination.

As for keeping my opinion to myself...let me think about that one. No.
It's my job to be opinionated. And I happen to be able to back up my opinions, unlike some people, whose only defense for the series is that...they like it, so I should shut up. Yeah. Not gonna happen.

With regards to having been in love, if they can be in love with Edward Cullen, I can be in love with Mr. Darcy. And Mr. Rochester. And Dr. Juvenal Urbino.
What? I like me some literary men, so sue me. ;)

Also, and this is a new one. I am a crazy psycho. I really can't argue with that, except in the context of my article. Sorry I happen to be right, teenagers on the internet who can neither spell properly nor form a coherent argument so as to prove that I am in fact a crazy psycho/wrong!

In addition, as I learned on another review, I am a goddess. Talk about an ego boost!

Then come the facts that really don't make a damn bit of sense, like the ones I got claiming the author/actress/all around badass of a woman Colette was actually a man. Seriously, what? Are...are you out in your backyard watching for UFOs, too? How many times have you seen Elvis? Or gotten Jesus on your toast? Colette was not a man, sorry to burst your bubble. I looked into it. There's zero evidence anywhere (but if you -any of you- can come up with it, I'd be pretty interested, actually. Especially since she, you know, had a child and numerous sexual partners of both genders and was wildly popular and performed nearly nude onstage multiple times. You'd think someone would have noticed).

The things you learn on the internet can hardly be described. Most of them, however, just prove that people are really, really, really stupid.

Rebecca

Last night I started reading Rebecca, by Daphne du Maurier, and I'm already hooked. There will be a review up this week or next, depending on when I finish it. Yay books! Seriously, if you haven't read Rebecca go check it out from a library or just buy a copy and read it along with me. It's totally worth it. I'm 23 pages in and I'm telling you it's good.

I had other things to write about, but none of them are really relevant.
I do have another review up, though! Dead Until Dark, the first of the Sookie Stackhouse Novels. Check it out. Leave me nasty comments, etc. The usual. You know how we do.

Short blog post is short! But you will survive. I have reading to do, anyway.